Songs To Wear Pants To

by Evan Shultz

There are many wonderful things about art. One of them is not how well it pays. Often the decision to pursue art as a career means the thankless act of creation day in and day out, in the hope that one day someone will write you a check instead of writing you off. Unless and until that day arrives, the artist has three choices: Give up, sell out, or do it for free. Most people who really want to make art choose the last option.

One such artist, who goes by the name "Andrew," decided that if he couldn't get people to request music for money, he would at least get them to request music for free. To this end he set up the website www.songstowearpantsto.com, where anyone can request a free song from Andrew, no matter how weird the style or subject matter. There's no guarantee that he'll make the song, but you're still free to request it—and so far there is no limit to how weird Andrew is willing to get. The only limitation is that no song-to-wear-pants-to will be longer than one minute and eleven seconds; you can request something longer, but it will cost money. Either way, the finished song goes up on the website as an mp3 that anyone can listen to and download.

The result is the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans of music. The site is not even two years old yet, and at last count had 289 mp3 files, ranging from a barbershop quartet singing gangstah rap (song-to-wear-pants-to #0153) to pieces of clothing serenading you from the back of your closet (#0110) and an instrumental guitar solo plucked straight from the best spaghetti western never made (#0256). Want a song written for that special someone? (#0127). Want a song making fun of that special someone? (#0105). Want a song making fun of the request? Pick one (#0106, #0117, #0132, etc.).

Not all of the songs-to-wear-pants-to are good. But there are more good songs than you would think from reading the requests, and those that aren't good are at least funny. And short.

Best of all: if you almost like a song, you can request a new version more to your tastes and maybe, just maybe, Andrew will make it. Where else can you find customized music for free?

The triumph and tragedy of the internet is that there are too many gates for a gatekeeper to keep. There's no biz to break into – if you can afford a website, you're in. That freedom cuts both ways, though. It means swimming through the oceans of stupidity, inanity, and general sloppiness that the gatekeepers of other media screen out — but it also means finding those islands of inspired lunacy too quirky for primetime. Islands like www.songstowearpantsto.com. And with so much of it free, it would seem we're rediscovering a principle that was forgotten for most of the 20th century: that artists make money to make art, not the other way around.

posted March 15, 2006


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